What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
