We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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