Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
