just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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