Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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