I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
