one two three fourrrrnication!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
