I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
