having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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