just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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