you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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