dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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