would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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