So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
