I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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