no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
