Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
