I wish my penis had an off switch
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
