do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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