How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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