nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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