how can u be prego again
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
