TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
