What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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