belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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