you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
