You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
