The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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