Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize