i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize