i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I feel like abortions should bother me more
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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