Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
