Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
