how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
