hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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