Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just found a bag of teeth...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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