I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
