Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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