pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We're too hungover to prance.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
