STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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