You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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