I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
