Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
