a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
