Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
