Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
