I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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