dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
