Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize