I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
